Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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