perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
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Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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