dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
