Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize