Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
