I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
