Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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