he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
