Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
