ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No...this little piggys going to the bar
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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