Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
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