were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize