I think my vagina is haunted
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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