mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Don't make out with my wife yet
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
