Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
