Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
