mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
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