we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
