that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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