dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
