By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
