You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My ATM looks so different sober.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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