Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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