When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
