So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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