first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
