And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
