We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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