Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
