Just cropdusted the office
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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