Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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