if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
