you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
