I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
