your room smells of hookers.
And success
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
