Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
