Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
