he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
