i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
