At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
His hands were made for my vagina.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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