THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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