I hate your face
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
