so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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