This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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