So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I puked a lego.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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