He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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