I didn't shave. On purpose
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
