it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize