Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
