have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
