I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
