How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
