I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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