If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
what the fuck happened to the tacos
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
