twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
